I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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