Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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