he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
