If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
