I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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