i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
