Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
