we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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