see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
