I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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