what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's get the cat blown out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
