Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i barfeds in our rink
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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