i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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