Best friends brother. Beat that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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