Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
