dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
