Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
