It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
