Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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