Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize