Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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