Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
