You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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