I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
