HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
