i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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