OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
