its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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