If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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