Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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