The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
