Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
