I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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