we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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