Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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