I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
