I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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