it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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