Moan for me like Helen Keller
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
