Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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