Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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