We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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