She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
