I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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