Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
