dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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