I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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