if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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