I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
