do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
