I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently you make a good broom.
too bad you live with your parents still
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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