he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.