Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
home. puking in laundry basket.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations