He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
