I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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