hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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