i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
