Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
