We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
