Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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