Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
