im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
