You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
