My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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