you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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