i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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