He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
