Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
