I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
